Sympathy For The Devil
by Aurasyr
Summary: What was Loki thinking when he let himself fall into the ruins of the Bifrost? Why did he become as he was in Avengers? A complicated past for a complicated character... Character study-type story, I just wanted to try my hand at writing. Loki, no pairings.


Sympathy For The Devil

I has it :B This is just a short rambling about Loki, set after Thor but before the Avengers. Just a reflection on his part …just me trying to hypothesize on what he might be thinking, I suppose. Title is from an episode of Cowboy Bebop. I thought it would fit this story.

Anyway, this is my first ever Fanfic, so please be gentle with the critiques ^^;

** I DO NOT OWN LOKI. He is copyrighted to Marvel Studios. (Well, after the Norsemen and Vikings anyway, but seeing as this is Marvel's Loki…)

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Here goes!

Cold.

Dark.

Alone.

I was falling…through time, space, and everything that might exist in between. I had let go of my own will. I had always been the odd one out, the least favoured son of the mighty Odin. But now…none of that was real. None of it existed. Nothing but the endless expanse of the star-filled void which I now found myself in.

I had fallen. In more ways than one.

My plans and dreams had failed. Thor had emerged from the mortal realm a changed man, a changed god. He had truly bested me. Me, the trickster. The wit. The god with the silver tongue.

What's more, I had betrayed my family in the process of realizing my ambitions. Father would never have forgiven me, because of my being a Frost Giant, and the admission of the Jotnar into Asgard at my hand, made me all the more suspect. Had I stayed, I never would have regained the little trust that was ever invested in me. I had always been the liar. I had always had a talent for it.

But because of that…was I lying to myself too? I had proclaimed to my "friends" that I cared for Thor more than any of them, but with hindsight, was that really true?

And then there were the lies that had been fed to me my whole life. He had never told me what I was, what dark ulterior motives he possessed for taking me in as his son. I was used...never loved, only tolerated, for the sake of his comfort and security. I was a monster. I could never be trusted, especially after what I'd done. I was a monster, by blood and by mind.

Thor. It had always been Thor. Odin's first-born, next in line to inherit the Throne of Asgard. Wielder of Mjolnir. My brother. He was like the lightning he could summon at will: impulsive, direct, and obscenely powerful. And he shone as bright as the stars of the Realms.

The rays of sun had always fallen upon him. And what was left for me? Nothing. I would forever be caught under the shadow of my older brother.

But that's the difference between us. He was truly great. What reputation I had, and what feats I had accomplished, had been built from a foundation of lies, trickery, and deceit. I truly was a mere shadow.

I guess it was true. I had always admired my older brother, always followed wherever he went, being his accomplice in many feats of stupidity and immaturity, his companion in battles, and his saviour from the wrath of Father when we got in trouble. My silver tongue was worth something, after all. If for nothing else but to get us out of a tight situation.

But, I had always hated him too. For the way the stars always seemed to align for him and him alone, his ridiculous good fortune and glory to spare. My hate for him had branched from the same tree that bore my affection for him. After all, love is a vine that bears two fruits: affection and cruelty. I was always, always haunted by the spectre of his greatness. I was envious.

So, when he was banished to Midgard for his disobedience to Odin, you could imagine my delight at the golden opportunity that had been dropped in my lap. I had a chance to prove my worth, to finally show that Loki wasn't out of the game.

But that had blown up in my face.

I thought…I thought that I could use my wit to be a better ruler than Thor could ever be. I had made a deal with the Jotnar king out of anger. But then I turned the opportunity in my favour, as a way to rid the AEsir of the Jotnar once and for all.

So why had Thor, previously lusting for battle, declined to help me to eliminate this race he so hated? The sworn enemies of the Asgardians? Why, brother…?

The last thing I remember was the look of disappointment etched on my Father's face as he suspended us from the shattered Bifrost…I had believed he had wanted to be rid of the Frost Giants, even though he revoked the notion of war.

Do I disappoint you, father?

Thor had proven himself in a way I never could. It hadn't taken any significant amount of wit, either. He had merely sacrificed himself for the sake of his friends, to shield them from my wrath…with Thor back in the blinding rays of light he was constantly bathed in, what use was there for me?

In an attempt to gain some understanding, I explained that my actions were only for the cause of securing peace in Asgard. True peace, by way of eliminating Jotunheim, not simply tolerating a hostile silence between us. With tears in my eyes, I tried to explain.

"No, Loki." he had said. So there truly was no use for me...all I wanted was to be an equal in my Father's eyes, an equal to Thor.

So I let go. I let go of my past. I let go of any future I had ever dreamed of. I could simply never measure up to the expectations of Father, and certainly could never be in the same league as Thor…

And with Thor as the new All-Father… what need did he, or any of them have, for a silver-tongued trickster like me?

None. Nothing.

And so I fell….with broken mind, and broken dreams.

When I had fallen back into the stream of consciousness, a new purpose had filled the void that was left by my betrayal, by their betrayal.

The lacrimosa that I had fallen into was now gone. It had vanished. Consumed by the fires of the only emotion that burned in the place of the overwhelming sadness: rage.

How dare they? I deserved better than this! I was the son of the All-Father, the Ruler of the Realms!

I was Loki! I AM Loki!

And I would take my rightful place as a god.

I would prove my greatness yet. With the new power that had been revealed to me, I would cast aside all doubts that Loki was worthy of the status of a King.

And nothing, NOTHING was going to stop me this time. If I could never be as great as the mighty Thor, then at least I would demonstrate my true potential by becoming his nemesis.

Nothing could stop me.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Like I said above, please be kind with the reviews ^^; This is my first try. Let me know if you liked it!


End file.
